Reflection

Recently i have been thinking a lot about myself. "What haven i been doing?"

Its year 2 alrdy, but i have been like slacking thru all the lessons. Studying last min. Although i passed everything. My GPA didn't really raised. As compared to most of my friends, mine is like completely fail. As i see others working so hard to achieve an A or at least B, having high goals, while i'm here like a failure who only knows how to complain that teachers are useless and didn't even tried to study on my own until a week b4 exams.
My 1st GPA wasn't even that great. I still rmb it was checked after the chalet with sec sch frens. At the last day, everyone was checking their GPAs, they were all very high as compared to mine. Though i was very happy that i got 2.3 back then coz i have zero physic backgrd and didn't failed anything. But now i really regret i didn't work harder and lying to myself to say engineering is difficult so its okay if i got this score. If my classmate got get As for all modules, why can't i? They are doing the same math, learning the same formulas, memorizing the same theory.

I also been getting annoyed easily. Little things really annoys me and my temper just went up. And getting sad over little stuff, being negative as well. Like overreacting over small things that are getting on my nerves. Doing/saying things without thinking. I'm sure i irritated some ppl. I'm really really sorry if i had make you all angry. Yes i had no excuses for my actions, i'm just being a spoiled brat.

And after ard 2 more years i will be going to the army, and after that, i can't see my future anymore. I dun really know what i want to do. Seeing my friends having goals in their life really makes me thinking too. Some want to be weapon specialist, teacher, biology, game designer, etc. Okay maybe not so far yet, i noe a lot of my frens are aiming to go to uni. For me i dun even noe what uni are there, and always confused over the names. I noe with result like mine, i can't go anywhere. So i must take not going uni in consider for my future. Means coming out from army, what will i do? Maybe i could work in some factory/office? If possible, i will like to learn japanese and both traditional and CG drawings and work in some CG design or manga company if out there in the work have. I dunno if like e.g. I always see ppl recruiting translators, editors, animators,etc, i dunno if is do for free or really as work. I know i dun have what it takes to be a good artist, but i hope its not too late though. And i sucks at languages so translators may be too hard.
None of these are really related to engineering, but i dun think its that bad to walk the engineering path either. In the time now, almost everything is mechantronics. Your car, plane, rollercoastor, and i really hope i could go to japan and work at some company that designs robots. I know there are also other countries, but i just love japan, even those i had nvr been there b4. Maybe its becoz japan was the 1st country i know which got 4 seasons and i think its amazing. If i really want to do this, i need to work extra hard to be able to achieve this. And the both jobs i wrote above, does it counted as my dream/goal? Haha

I need to clear my mind as well. As i said above that a lot of things annoys me recently, of coz i will have rude thinking like cursing ppl to die/accident. Being rude to ppl in my mind, scolding them in my mind. And i had a lot of negative thoughts like saying things cmi even thought i nvr tried. These kinds of thinking will surely lead me to troubles and ppl around me to hate me as what's in your mind will lead to yours actions right? I want to say sorry again for those ppl who i had been very rude with.


Alright, this is just a small reflection. Maintain calm, control my temper, may patience be with me.